When the partner believes differently …

What does "believing differently" mean? It can mean different things: one partner is a Christian, the other an atheist. It can also mean that a Christian is married to a Muslim or Jew (of different faiths). Or both are Christians, but sing from different hymnals (denomination-different). After all, two people in a couple can be socialised and at home in the same faith tradition and yet be very different in matters of faith – one, for example, conservative with a deep devotion, the other rather liberal with little faith orientation in everyday life.

The more critical approach

But how do we deal with relationships between couples of different religions or denominations? Adventists tend to take a critical view of such partnerships for members of their own free church. Lifestyle (diet is only one aspect!), attending church services (Sabbath or Sunday), the question of baptism (if the partner wants the children to be baptised as babies) are key issues that are touched on when partners are of different denominations or religions. This can quickly lead to tensions and definitely presents challenges. Nevertheless, denomination-different and cross-religious partnerships are on the rise – even in the Adventist Church.

Lived faith works

Research shows that a healthy, lived faith has a positive effect on all areas of a partnership, especially if the partners share this spirituality. And this is exactly where it gets exciting and practical. In fact, two deeply believing partners of different denominations who practise a common life of faith are stronger in their relationship, despite different hymnbooks, than partners of one denomination who barely live out their faith together. (Different hymns are even an enrichment, but they also represent different insights into faith).

Perspective from couples counselling

As a couples counsellor, I am therefore particularly interested in promoting spirituality and strengthening faith. But of course also to talk about differences (which even exist in your own denomination). And as a spouse in an interdenominational marriage, I am happy about the shared spiritual life, intensive theological discussions, shared prayer experiences and unity in Christ, which is expressed in two church services every week. No, it's not always easy and there is no magic formula. But it is part of the reality that we have to deal with partners who believe differently, yet we can also deal with them spiritually – with love and respect.

Prof. Andreas Bochmann, Head of Counselling (Marriage, Family and Life Counselling) at Friedensau Adventist University